Lifestyle Change 2019

I've spent the last five years focusing on obtaining a degree and building a career in healthcare. I succeeded in both. I am a supervisor with a small office in a busy clinic. I am proud of myself for achieving this position and doing what I set out to do. I have a window in my office that looks into the IT closet, lots of flashing lights in a dark room. It isn't a scenic view at all. Whole days can go by and I don't know if it's raining or sunny (usually it's raining, but it would still be nice to see it). Supervising people is not fun at all. At. All. While I think my leadership style is amazing and I would have loved to work for a boss like me, not everyone feels the same. This can get very discouraging and hard not to take personally after a while.

My creative pursuits, like knitting and writing, were put on the back burner, used solely for stress relief. I have bags of unfinished (of course) long knitted tube scarves since I love knitting in the round while watching TV to unwind after work. (Maybe they aren't scarves. Maybe I should stuff them and make pillows. That works, too.) The point is that I find myself unhappy and unsatisfied with this lifestyle that focuses on office work with creative work on the side.

I definitely like the paycheck and small independence in by my supervisory role. I never expect to live off my creativity (at least not until I sell my first novel or screenplay). The question I keep asking myself is: how long do I want to live this way? It's a grind, no doubt. I'm the typical working mom who drives the kids to school, slugs down coffee while checking emails, sits through mind-numbingly boring meetings, races to the grocery store at lunch or after work, then spends most of my time out of the clinic thinking about the clinic. Do I want to keep living this way? College looms on the horizon with all its tuition and fees. The kids are teens now with lives of their own.  I can easily work late or go in early on a Saturday. But do I want to?

My resounding answer the past few months is No! I don't want to live this way. I want to live a creative lifestyle where I focus on writing or knitting or making things. I want to be busy creating what I see in my mind, writing stories and novels, thinking big thoughts beyond an email inbox. I don't want to keep living the lifestyle I'm in right now.

So here I am at the beginning of 2019 purposed to do just that: change my lifestyle. I am focusing on reopening stinkRknits on Feb 1 with new inventory of beautiful things I love to make, not just knits. I set a writing goal to finish 1 short story a month. I've almost accomplished this for January. I spent the afternoon today (after spending 3 hours in the clinic) with a new planner formulating goals and timelines. I need small victories, small changes, so I keep moving forward inch by inch. I feel excited and happy about what this year holds. A lot of hard work, yes, but I have a vision for my life that will be totally worth it.

What about you? Are you living a lifestyle you enjoy? Or do you need to make a change?